I'm alone, on my own and that's all I know

I'll be strong, I'll be wrong 

Oh, but life goes on

Oh, I'm alone, on my own and that's all I know

Oh, I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world

Oh, I'm just a girl 

Oh, I'm just a girl 

Oh, oh

Oh, I'm just a girl 

Look at how her hair is thrown back and riding in the wind~ and that pure determination radiating from her!!! 

Labels: A Place In This World, Lyrics, Meh, Photos, Song, Taylor, Taylor Swift, Video, Writing

Since I am so well kept in, I had no form of communication with the outside world besides the 'old' fashion way - calling

I did not really get to sit down and 'touch' the computer or such. My real proper interaction was when I hit twelve. I was granted a laptop. It was all foreign and weird to me.

I played Barbies till I was twelve. I play tea time with my collection of stuff toys till I was twelve. I quit piano when I was eleven but I picked up Gu Zheng when I was twelve.

So, I played the Gu Zheng when I was twelve. Music was an escape, something that I can pour myself into, like writing which I discovered when I was twelve. I was finally away from my Grandma, my dad's mum; and I was exposed to taking the public bus home and more freedom than I could ever imagine. We moved house. I was looked after by my mum's mum, her grip on me was like satin ribbons bounding me to her; unlike the steel thorns that my other grandma had. I felt loved and more happier than ever before. I played Mahjong with her every other day. I watched drama serials with her everyday.

I never asked permission from my parents whether I could go to my friends houses as I would skip CCA practices and extra lessons just for a day of fun. But I still look out from my window and watch the other children play on days that I do not have either of them. I never asked for I already knew what the answer would be.

I knew nothing about the internet. Really, no idea or such. Call me stupid or primitive.

The computer was just a device I used to write stories. Nothing much. My friends in school are talking about their idols and stuff that I don't really know much about. The only thing that I can share with my best friend was Meg Cabot books. Not exposed to anime/manga yet.

I never studied. I seldom do any homework lest it interest me. I kept reading my storybooks and bury myself in that world of fantasy where there is always a happy ending somehow. I would borrow books from my school library everyday - my best friend is a librarian there

Once, I borrowed this really REALLY thick book: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (hardcover ed)
I read finished and I wanted to drop it in the book slot and it got stuck in the hole. I had to tug and pull before it finally went in.

When I get reprimanded for certain stuff, I would cry and confide in my animals namely Meowfie. The cat which my Great grandmother gave. Which was always threatened to be thrown away.

I would like to praise blogger for the save-as-you-type system. My family are a nosey lot. I feel that my privacy is invaded. We are family but there is a line not to cross. My parents don't tell me everything why should I tell then? Just because I am a child of theirs? That is one reason that I really hate.

The little taste of freedom got into me. I wanted more. More time out and about.

Yet again, I was interrupted. Thank you blogger for saving this.

I have lost my train of thoughts but I will continue this under another title.

Thank you my dear friend, for reading my rants about my life~

Labels: Heart, Writing

People lie constantly to save their skins or just to avoid explaining themselves.

Either way, they lie for their own benefits and gains. Only a certain few lie to save others around them, to make others seem better than what they really are...

The most cruel is lying and putting someone else into trouble, making people doubt them.
I believe that I can fit in all categories~

The worst part about lying is once someone finds you out, you lose their trust in you. They begin to find you shifty and not trustworthy.

I lost my way in the mount of lies that I created and it is back to get me. My soul is not whole or pure...its is broken and twisted in ways that you can only imagine. My world is made up of lies and pretend.
When all tales unravel...I do not know what I will do.

I believe God is fair for he gives someone something and takes away something...one can never have it both ways.

I pray for my freedom and the day I can be trusted.

Labels: Frustrations, Heart, Writing

If I stared this blog when I was small, most of the posts would very much be like this...wishing that I'm somewhere else, far and away with all the freedom in the world.
They say not to give a kid too much of freedom lest it will get to their heads and be spoilt and such. But keeping me in is not a solution either.

I am always on the inside looking outside, thinking about how much fun I could have if I could just be right there, be it alone or with a friend or two. All the places that I want to go, things that I want to do...will never be done unless, somehow I can show that I am no longer a child or some helpless little girl who people can take advantage of.

I jump at any chance to go to my friends' houses, to spend a day out and about with them. Even if I had to make up a story or two to cover up for my tardiness and such. I cannot just sit there and not do a thing about not having fun, could I? So, I have been lying since young. Telling tales that never happened.

I have sinned much. Each time I tell a tale, my soul is tainted black with lies and pretend. I can never turn back now. I do not want to go back the way it was before either, where my fun is only confined within these four walls or whatever walls that happen to imprison me, restraining me from my freedom and fun that I might have.

Girls my age must have gone out much more times than me, out with their friends or cousins. I am not as free as some people think. Brought up in a rather strict environment, friends that I make get criticized and much of the things I do get frowned upon. My character may be carved out by all these restrictions and little freedom that I get and made me slightly different from others...maybe not.

People need to open their eyes and see the brighter side of things and see that the world is not that bad as it seems. Being blinded by beliefs or sayings is not going to get you the big picture. We have to keep our minds open and learn to let go - even if it hurts.

I dream of the day that I can be trusted and be free like wild horses galloping on the meadows or an eagle soaring out into the sunset.

For now, I stay bounded like a puppet to the puppeteer who used strings of titanium, ensuring that I would never leave unless released... ...

Labels: Heart, Writing

Yes, I admit that I'm getting lazy...as usual. Hardy blogging or making an effort to write something down. So, here a little something to say that show that I'm still alive and kickin'~

Work is getting more and more pleasant, I look forward to each working day. I believe that this is a good experience and exposure to the working life and world - which includes being squished on public transports and getting tons of paper cuts... I would like to work there again maybe during the holidays or such. No harm earning a little more extra cash~ >.<

I'm going to Kino this Sat, the one at Ngee Ann City (next to Taka) with Geak and Avelina...if she can make it. I'd probably crash at Geak's house in the morn then meet up with Ave.
I'm really looking forward to this Saturday~ *peace*

Labels: Randomies, Writing

I used to have lots to write and things I want to put on this blog. I do not know where all those stuff went. I cannot sleep at night because I kept thinking about what I should put here; something that might interest people or just a couplet that have my feelings embedded into it.

Now, I write spontaneously without drafts and much thought about what I have actually written or am about to write. I think I will do that more often, to be more open and brave. To write from the bottom of my heart. All these posts that I posted are written with bits of my heart and soul stitched into them.
I may be lazy but I post more often then most people for I do not find posting a chore or a way to get attention but as a way to put these feelings and thoughts I have into words or even just wanting to write something. I made this blog for the sake of writing. Oh, I do love writing, I really do.
This blog is a piece of my heart.

Labels: Heart, Randomies, Writing

What am I living for? Just for the sake of it? Or for a purpose in life? I don't know. I never expected much in my life for I can never tell what might happen next or is imminent. I try not think back on what I did or what people did to me, because if I do, I might become over conscious of myself and not try things that I want but am too afraid to step out of this shell to do so. I'd normally think ahead and go through what might happen before doing or saying something. I already am so self conscious... I hope people don't expect so much from me. Not everyone knows me that well. Maybe no one. I wonder.

Labels: Heart, Randomies, Writing

I've always felt invisible and insignificant. ' Even though I'm not the only one who feels the way I do'. Loneliness is heart wrenching... So many people surround me yet I can't help but feel that I'm missing something, something important. Love radiates from the bottom of their hearts, mine however, is un-beating and cold. They're the sunshine and I'm the grey clouds. As I disperse into nothingness, they shine and spread warmth to everyone. I think I've put up too many walls to bring them down now. Walls to protect me from harsh reality, to defend my already fragile heart, that made me invisible. I brought this upon myself, is there no turning back now? I wonder. I wait for the day which I'll be free of this bitterness... I'll wait.

Labels: Heart, Randomies, Writing

At times, I don't know what to feel. When something happens, others around me react differently from what I would. They all laugh, I don't know whether I should.. If I don't do the same, they might think me as weird, strange or even inhuman. When people around me are having a good time, I feel like I'm going through something strenuous and torturing instead of enjoyment. I'm afraid that I might slip away from this very world, to be apart from everyone and alone. I cannot bring myself to like something that I loathe and hide behind this facade of mine every time.. I might break.

Listening to: Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift

Labels: Heart, Randomies, Writing